I just pynch a tree in the face
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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