i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
