There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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