there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize