the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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