So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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