You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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