I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
