3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize