I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
