Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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