if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize