: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
