you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
