ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
