i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
