u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize