just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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