Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
