why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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