Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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