Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
