I got chris browned last night
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
