I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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