Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
