We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
