I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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