dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
