I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
