if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
