I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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