i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
