Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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