im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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