just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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