ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize