Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
whose parrot is this?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
