Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
