i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
