she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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