whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
