We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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