Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize