This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
