they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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