I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
