OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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