I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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