I will die if light touches me.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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