...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
