so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
