I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
