Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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