Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
