she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
