i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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