come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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