what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
