how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
