I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize