Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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