hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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