Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
