why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
