dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't deserve a penis
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
