You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
