she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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