She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize