Whod you bang
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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