elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
