The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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