my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
