I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
