what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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