i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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