i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
