wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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